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Stress Fractures

by Stress Fractures

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1.
I'm running out of time to do something great while I'm still young, but everything in my brain I wanna say has already been sung, but with life as short as it is, I'd be damned if I didn't try, so here goes one last shot of all I've got before I get old and die.
2.
Stunt It! 02:03
I've spent my whole life speed through the yellow lights that I probably should’ve stopped at, but I don’t wanna miss the chance to do something meaningful, so I’ll take what I can get, but everything’s changing, my mind is racing, I can’t keep up with all the things that we did or the places we’ve been or the things that I’ve said, so make room for good thoughts so maybe I’ll stop planning my own death and what will follow it. Maybe it’s all a dream, the world I’m living in, there’s no way this is real, but I guess that it’s just me trying to do my best to be more like my friends, cuz they’re doing better despite the weather. Everything’s changing, my mind is race, I can’t keep up with all the things that we did or the places we’ve been or the things that I’ve said, so make room for good thoughts so maybe I’ll stop planning my own death and what will follow it. Dear god, I’m not giving up just yet, it’ll take more than sadness for me to end up dead.
3.
Hey, how are you doing, and what have you been up to? We haven't spoken in, like, two years, but I still haven't forgotten you. Do you remember me? Do you remember when we'd hang out from early mornings to late night outings? I wonder how you are now, cuz every time I'm in Waffle House after 2am, or every time I hear John Darnielle or Brian Sella sing, I remember the good times of you being my only friend in a place that seemed so foreign to me. You always had a shoulder to lend when I needed to explode when or when I needed to ball up, you'd always keep me company when I'd complain about how the fall sucks. Then I dropped out, and I swore we'd keep in touch, but as the months went by and my life got harder, I kept all my doors shut. Then you moved on, and I guess that I did too, but no matter where you've ended up, just know that I'm here for you, if you need a shoulder to cry on or if you ever need a friend. I'm sorry that I ruined this, I wish it didn't end. I remember the good times of you being my only friend in a place that still seems foreign to me. You always had a shoulder to lend when I needed to explode or when I needed to ball up, you'd always keep me company when I'd complain about how the fall suck. I hope you're doing fine, and I wonder, "Am I on your mind?" because you're on mine.
4.
Smoke 01:37
It's times like these I wish I had a cigarette to smoke away my stress, but I probably couldn't handle that. I'd probably have an asthma attack, and lose all of my breath, and slowly choke to death. What a stupid way to end my meaningless existence And it's probably for the best that I don't go out with friends. I'd rather stay at home instead, and sing myself to sleep, or stay up and overthink, or watch reality TV; just anything that doesn't involve me trying to live a life that seems worth living.
5.
I always find myself in situations that I would rather not be in. I can’t get out of bed, why do I always end up like this? Scared and alone. I won’t let anyone inside my mind, I’m too scared of the things they’ll find, that keep haunting me nightly. I can’t catch a break or break out of my cage. I’ve been doing better, I keep to myself. I stopped being bitter, I started looking for help. I stopped halting progress, I started accepting change, I became comfortable with things not staying the same, and I’m moving on from these harsh feelings that have taken over me. I don’t ever wanna lose control, I don’t ever wanna hurt the people that I love, I don’t ever wanna lose my cool, I don’t ever wanna hate the person I’ve become. I’m getting better no matter how it seems, I’m moving forward, following my heart strings. I won’t be consumed by the fear that’s in me, I swear I’m okay, though looks are deceiving. I feel so alive, I never thought that I’d get here.
6.
I found myself getting upset at things that I can’t control, getting angry with myself and screaming “this is all your fault,” but deep inside I know that has to be impossible, if it’s out of my reach it’s not my job to feel responsible, but I do, and I can’t shake this feeling that this is all my fault.
7.
The last thing that I need to hear is that everything will be okay, I know things can’t get any worse from here, I know that I’ll be better someday. I’ve been sleeping through my alarms again, I never wanna wake up again. I’m tryna put this sadness to an end by playing games and drinking beers with my friends, but my mind don’t work that way, I can’t cure depression with video games, but it helps to numb the pain that I’ve been feeling every single day. The last thing that I need to hear is that everything will be okay, I know things can’t get any worse from here, I know that I’ll be better someday. I’m riding on an upward swing, overcoming everything that’s been standing in my way; I wish that this was everyday, but my mind don’t work like that, sooner or later this high is gonna end and I’ll fall back on my ass and start this whole process over again. My head is spinning in circles, I’m going faster that I would like, and I am getting so dizzy, I guess it’s another one of those nights. I should’ve laid off the sad songs, I should’ve pushed back the bad thoughts, I shouldn’t pick up this bottle, but I want to. Maybe it’s my depressive brain, I can’t escape all of the pain.
8.
9.
I’ve been avoiding the mirror again, I’ve been ignoring that stupid face I make when I’m feeling sad, and the bags under my eyes are so heavy that they’re starting to drag and collect debris with every step I take. Jesus Christ, I’ve made a mistake. I’m always coming up short on my end, I’m always pissing off every single one of my friends with my complaints and my boring stories, it’s no wonder why they always ignore me. So I’ll sit in my room and drown in self pity, whining to myself about how the world is so shitty, but I’ll never do a goddamn thing to change the way things are happening. You’d think that I would know by now, cuz God knows I should know by now; I’m the only thing that’s ever been in my way, I’m the only one who can make things change, but it’s easier to fuck around, make a mess, and whine and complain, Jesus Christ, I’ve made a mistake. I think I’m seconds away from losing touch with the people I care for and things I love, cuz I spent another week locked inside of my house cuz I’m too scared to be social and go out. So instead of keeping friendships and saving face, I’m in front of the TV counting down the days till I don’t have to do anything anymore and I’ll lose all of the worries that I had before. I’ll try to blame something else, but the problem is myself. I’m the only thing that’s ever been in my way, I’m the only one who can make things change, but it’s easier to fuck around, make a mess, and whine and complain, Jesus Christ, I hope I get my shit together and climb over the pile of depression and aggression that I made while I was too afraid to fight cuz I am a fucking child, Jesus Christ, I swear that I’m stronger than I’m made out to be, I just get too overwhemled too easily every time I get depressed or I make a small mistake, Jesus Christ, I’m okay.
10.
The heat just broke in my car, I just lost my job, I just ran out of cash- I’m getting too old for this. I feel sluggish, I lost my purpose, I wanna change this, but I’m hopeless. I’m a loser, I failed my mom, I disappointed her just like I do to everyone, but that is what I get for feeling sorry for myself, no matter what you say I’ll find a way to bring myself down, and every time I think I’m fine, I’ll find a reason to think I’m not, but I won’t let that hold me back, I’m giving it all I’ve got. I’m a liar, I failed my dad, I say I’m doing better, I say that I’ve got plans, but anyone who knows me knows that that’s not true- I sit in my room and do nothing when there’s things to do. I can bet you’re sick of hearing me whine, it’s all that I do lately and it’s wasting our time, but my depression keeps me paralyzed, I wish I wasn’t like this, sorry I fell behind. I’m a loser, I failed my mom, I disappointed her just like I do to everyone, but that is what I get for feeling sorry for myself, no matter what you say I’ll find a way to bring myself down, and every time I think I’m fine, I’ll find a reason to think I’m not, but I won’t let that hold me back, I’m giving it all I’ve got. I’m a loser, I failed my dad, I told him I’m okay, I swore that I’m not sad. I’m a liar, I failed my mom, I disappointed her just like I do to everyone.

about

A collection of songs regarding the loss of self.
The end of an era.
Thank you.

All songs written by Marty Hacker-Mullen between May 2015 and October 2020 with some help from Eric Smeal, Liz Neyman, Caden Clinton, and Colman O'Brien.

On this record, Stress Fractures is:
Marty Hacker-Mullen - vocals, guitar, bass
Caden Clinton - drums
Eric Smeal - guitar solo on "Stunt It!"
Tyler Stodghill - additional vocals on "Stress Fractures"

Produced by Lon Beshiri at K.O.T.P. Recordings in Tallahassee, FL, May 2021.
Mixed and mastered by Jake Checkoway.
Additional mixing by Lon Beshiri.

Photography by Eric Smeal.

credits

released January 13, 2023

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Stress Fractures Columbia, South Carolina

Stress Fractures is a rock band from The Carolinas.

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